4. Settle petal

I'm quite a settled soul. I’m not sure if it’s my soul exactly-maybe it’s my spirit, but I know that there is a very big part of me that possesses the ability and the desire to simply be alone and think and look and be calm. It might have something to do with the chaotic, never-ending mess that is my mind. I’m constantly thinking about a thousand things at once and if I don’t take time out to step back and just think, I start to get very panicked and even just doing everyday things suddenly becomes unbearable. It probably comes with being an introvert.

I think this is why I’m never really bored. And how awkward silences don’t actually bother me as much as I pretend they do. Because even though on the outside, not much may be happening and to someone else it might look dull and unexciting, the inside of my mind is constantly spinning and buzzing and I get never ending entertainment within my own thoughts.

And I like watching. I like sitting and observing things around me. Especially people. If I could sit on a train all day and just watch the strangers who come on and off, I would. I would find out their quirks, the little things they do that they've become so used to that they themselves don't even notice. But this is the first time I've ever seen them in my whole life and I get to see them with brand new eyes, with no preconceptions or expectations. The way they check their watches twice because they weren't paying attention the first time or how they run their fingers along the pages of the books they’re reading or if they walk with their shoulders back or their head low. Then I would start trying to work them out without ever having spoken to them. I would look at them as more than strangers. I realise that they’re just like me. Minds alive.

I wonder about  where they’re going, if they're angry at someone, hurting over lost love. Then I start to think about how they’re feeling and if they’re regretful or relieved or anxious or angry. And then, after watching all these strangers, I feel sad because I realised I’ll never get to meet these people however fascinating or lovely or just like me they are.