We don't realise how much time and effort we put into talking about ourselves until we stop talking about ourselves and really listen to each other. And it's when you stop caring so much about projecting the polished and abridged version of yourself that you want people to see and start becoming genuinely interested and concerned for others that we see a raw and candid display of human egotism.
In a way, our obsession with enhancing our own importance, abilities or, more recently, our need to feel 'special' mocks us. And we're weak because we let it.
It's actually kind of funny to watch. A group of people all talking to each other about one subject but no one is actually listening to each other. We're all just waiting for an opportunity-a free pass, if you will- to jump in and add something about yourself or something you've done or someone you've met and ultimately turn to the attention onto you and not just you but how interesting and clever and wonderful YOU are. And I know I sound pretty cynical about it at the moment but in all honesty it's not such a bad thing. Technically, we're not hurting anyone else (not directly) and it's just natural to want to make yourself feel better while seemingly interacting with others and listening to their stories.
But the problem (and, yes, there always is one) arises when the self-improvement is more than the listening and the thinking. Talking about yourself takes no talent, no intelligence. It's one of the most shallow and most natural abilities of humans. Soon, nobody is really interested in anyone but themselves and a whole conversation can be had where, because everyone had been so enthusiastically how interesting they are and describing their own life, no one has even heard what anyone else has to say and their own words go unheard except in their own ears.
I started listening extra intently just last night and I don't want to go into any specifics in case it becomes personal but basically I was with three of my friends and we were just talking about random things. I stopped talking about myself around the time we started talking about religion. (Don't worry, it wasn't an intense religion debate-we're too open-minded for that.) The first friend was talking about being having shrines in her home because her family was Buddhist and I was just about to comment on how interesting that was and ask more about the shrine when a second friend chimes in to add that her grandparents are Buddhist and so when they're over she has to each vegetarian and I was about to ask about that when my third friend comes in to add that her family is only vegetarian on Easter Sunday though she can eat fish and oh my word you can see where this is going.
Every time some topic comes up that someone can relate back to themselves the jump right in and do that and even though I am genuinely interested in what they have to say and ask about their opinions, someone else will feel the need to talk about their own opinions. It's as if we just can't stand the thought of thirty seconds of conversation that doesn't include our lives or opinions in some form or another. It's insane.
Maybe it comes from whether or not you're a listener or a talker and I'm probably a moody blend of both. Maybe all three friends last night were talkers and it just seemed more noticeable then or maybe it's something we all should work on.
I've decided to start a pledge with myself to talk less about myself and focus more on others. Basically, be more altruistic in my words and my listening, not just my intentions and actions. This will probably be one of the easier challenges I set for myself but an important one nonetheless. Listening opens your world and mind up to new ideas, opinions, and thoughts and is one of the most rewarding things you can do.
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